Love relationships are among the hardest relationships we have.
While all relationships have some component of love, our significant other poses problems that are unique. We try each day to be sure he or she feels loved, yet we often make mistakes that we are unaware of. Each person is loved differently, each receives love in their own way.
“Expressing love to another is tricky at best,
But if you don’t understand how they receive love,
It’s near impossible for them to feel loved” – Cindi Richard
While trying to love another we express our love in the way we want to receive rather than learning the way the other person needs.
Finding out what the other needs can be a scavenger hunt; following up on clues they leave through conversation or innuendo. Watching to see how they treat us or others may also reveal what they are looking for. While it would be easier to just ask, many cannot or will not answer. They truly may not know what they want or they may be afraid to ask for fear of rejection, disappointment or possible ridicule. Most of us are walking around in such a wounded state, that we have barriers, boundaries and protective devices so thick that most cannot get near. This poses the trickiest problem: How do you let your significant other know how you feel in a way that they can receive with an open heart? In a way that they can truly feel your love and feel safe enough to return that love? Once we learn what they need and begin to offer it consistently, they can then return their love. It takes one person to make the initial move, to remain consistent even without the return of expression, to make a change in one’s relationship.
There are 5 ways people give and receive love.
Understanding your partner’s love language is key to helping your loved one feel your love. Knowing your love language is just as important. When you receive love in a way that works for you, life feels full, exciting and you are completely content. No more looking around wondering “is this all there is?” or more significantly “where else can I find what I am looking for?”
“We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language
if we are to be effective communicators of love”
The 5 Love Languages ~ David Chapman
Most often people will tell us what their love needs are through complaining and negative comments that they make. Can we naturally respond with loving kindness when a person complains? No. But when we understand that they are asking for love in the only way they know, compassion can bloom and we are then able to offer our love in way that fills their heart.
But where do we begin when all we hear are complaints, criticisms and whining? How do we weed through all the negative responses we feel in the face of grumbling and laments? If we truly want a relationship to work the strength and resilience will come to us.
If your relationship has enough of a foundation to begin with a discussion, then take the time to ask: “What are the top three things I can do for you that will help you to feel loved?” If you are willing to do these things, offer them from your heart. Offer them with love. When we give from the heart, our partner begins to feel that love and will, with time, respond in kind. We’ve talked about the Law of Attraction. What we give out is given back. If you choose to do these three things, but they are offered with anger, resentment or resistance, then you will be met with the same. So please really consider the three things your loved one is requesting and be very sure you can offer them with love.
As the love builds and trust is taking its first stumbling steps, you begin to build a new foundation of love. As your partner’s heart fills, repeat the process by asking: “Will you do these three things for me?” Ask for the ones that mean the most to you and explain why they are important. If your mate is willing to offer your three requests, show him or her appreciation. Keep these communications ongoing. You are building a new relationship that can last a life time. Most relationships fall apart because the love language our partner needs and the one we offer is not the same. Or the one our partner is offering is not what we need.
Are you willing to learn and offer your partner what he or she needs? And ask for the same in return?