We all have internal strength that reveals itself in times of transition and turmoil. It is that nugget of determination that transforms our lives and builds new dreams.
“Then we find – somewhere around the time our knees hit the floor –
that this isn’t when it’s all over, this is when it all begins”
– Marianne Williamson
The Law of Divine Compensation: On Work, Money, and Miracles
One of the many times my knees literally hit the floor in grief and despair I finally came to realize that I was not going to save my husband, not with healing, not with nutrition nor were the doctors with yet another round of chemo. At the time I thought I would never make it through the day, never mind through the next steps it would take to continue on with our lives and its myriad and multitude of details. The clarity of this realization was a sharp and painful thing, completely taking my breath away. The idea of spending my life without this man, my partner, my friend, my confidant, was beyond comprehension. But I knew in that moment that he was not going to make it. As I look back at that day, I wonder where I found the strength to gather my courage and face the day. But I had a child and a husband who were counting on me. With their faces firmly fixed in my mind I began the task of preparing for a life without him. Four years into my new life, I have learned that fortitude comes laced with fear, courage is one step ahead of it and strength comes from the refusal to remain on our knees.
My new life is infused with love, friendship, support and a passion and freedom to do things I never would have even tried while in the security of a marriage. That day on my knees was the beginning of a stronger, determined and more powerful me. For the first time in my life I am on my own and the sole provider for the family. As a daunting as that may be I have found inner resources I didn’t realize were a part of me because I didn’t need them. My husband was the provider and I just the “hobby business” and like many woman I stayed home to raise our child.
In this new life I found that I have a great many friends I can go to when I need encouragement. I have knowledge and experience that I bring to my business that helps my clients. I learned that not only do I love to travel I am able to go by myself and really enjoy it. The business woman in me that thrived throughout our marriage is still kicking up her heels in her own business. But the resource I found within myself on this new and wondrous life course is hope. I buoys my heart when I wonder about new love. It quickens my pace when I am off on a new adventure. It makes my heart race with excitement when I work to expand my business. And it really expands my spirit when I look at my new life and think “I created this and I’m happy”.
When life throws you its worst, will you remain on your knees or find strength to see who you can be?