My life had become unbearable; pain, exhaustion and insomnia were my constant companions. Little did I know that these dreaded demons would be the catalysts of a healing journey that would lead me to a life of excitement, passion and joy.
It was another sleepless night, my body racked with pain, and my mind awhirl with thoughts of the endless tasks, appointments and duties that comprised my upcoming day. “How will I ever get through this day without a minute of sleep?” I thought with despair. This endless pattern of pain and exhaustion had been my life for almost two years. From the outside, my life looked like the American dream: a fabulous husband, a beautiful child, a successful business and a home that I loved. But my body told a different story. It was screaming for change, for fulfillment. However, fulfillment was an elusive concept. My heart and soul yearned for more, but looking around it seemed that I had a perfect life. “What more could I want?”
Spending endless hours contributing to the needs of the local grammar school comprised a large portion of my schedule. While I was grateful for the opportunity to be a part of my son’s school life, five years, 45 weeks and 3 days – not that I was counting – had become more of a job than a joy. Completing these tasks one January afternoon I left the building and made my way to my car. As anticipated the fatigue that I had held at bay began to take its toll. It was now mid-day and I sorely needed a nap. I knew if I could just grab an hour before my son came home I could make it through the rest of the afternoon without becoming a sleepless maniac.
On the ride home I started to realize that the life I had built was an overscheduled mess. I really needed to reassess my life, but I couldn’t slow down long enough to think about it. I didn’t realize that the pain, exhaustion and insomnia were my body’s way of telling me that my life was badly out of balance.
When our lives are out of alignment with our hopes and dreams, our bodies begin to speak to us.
The need for change may reveal itself through sickness or fatigue, pain or sadness, or simply by a sense of apathy. For me the lack of fulfillment spoke through pain, illness and fatigue, all the outer signs that the inner messages were not being heard.
At this point in my life I had been actively involved in my son’s school through the PTO and various activities for six years. His fifth grade year was half completed and he would be moving on to the middle school in the fall. As I thought about continuing my current path of participating in school events, I felt this overwhelming sense of dread that clenched a knot in my stomach and jammed my jaw so tight I thought my teeth would break. I really wanted a rest from this break neck pace of life. But how do I quit? What would the other mothers think? And what would I do with my time!? These thoughts and questions filled my mind while my body continued to shriek its exhaustion.
The war between my thoughts and my beliefs all showed up in my body through throbbing aches and fatigue. When our lives need adjustment and we don’t recognize it, our body will tell us. I was living a life I believed I loved.
Not only did my life need a serious renovation but my body was pounding the message home. The life I had created six years ago was perfect at the time and served myself and my family well, but it no longer fit me. “But how to get off this merry-go-round when so many people are counting on me?” I questioned.
But my tiredness became more prevalent. The sinus infections, the back pain and insomnia seemed to plague most of my days.
As I sank onto the couch for a much needed nap my mind conjured the day I dragged myself to my physician’s office for yet another back adjustment. It was a beautiful sunny day, but the sunshine scarcely registered. My attention was so focused on my screaming body and foggy brain.
“Back again?” my physician commented, “It’s only been two weeks.”
This two week pattern had developed itself recently and had caused enough concern in both of us to look beyond the need for a simple back adjustment. Once he aligned my spine he asked me a series on questions about my pain.
“Cindi, I think we have something going on here that is more than a misaligned spine.” He said with concern.
“I would like to do a test.” He suggested. “Please lie on the table. I am going to touch a few points on your body and you tell me on a scale of one to ten the amount of pain you experience.”
There were 16 points in all and at the touch of 14 of the spots I yelped in pain. The concern and confusion suffused his face. “Based on your response, I believe you have fibromyalgia.” He diagnosed with sympathy.
He proceeded to explain the nature of the disease and offered several suggestions to ease the discomfit. As my mind waded back to the present, I thought about all the different methods we had employed trying to alleviate the symptoms. Alongside the treatment options I had done plenty of reading and research about this disease. I felt that it was a grab bag of symptoms with very little hope of a cure. The past two years had been devoted to a series of remedies, none of which had worked for me.
The following afternoon was spent with my sister, my son and her three boys, relaxing in her living room, snug in the warmth of her home. As the boys played, she looked at me with compassion “How are you feeling?” she asked.
“The same.” was my comment as she knew all the symptoms, all the treatment options and the lack of results.
“I know you hate needles, so the option of acupuncture is out, but I thought you might be interested in this.” she suggested as she offered me a newspaper ad.
The advertisement spoke of a treatment for pain through “energy healing” which claimed to have successful results. At this point I was willing to try anything I was so desperate for relief.
Finally, after two long years of trying to cure this elusive disease with traditional methods, God smiled. Little did I know that this thing called “energy healing” would change my life.
Monday morning I called for an appointment and the phone was answered by a woman with a soft, Irish accent. She could see me this afternoon. With directions in hand I made my way to my car, hope and dread vying for first place in my thoughts. Two voices played out in my head.
“Will this turn out like every other treatment I’ve tried?” One questioned.
“But maybe it will work.” The other answered.
“This is an energy healer, what craziness is this”? The more sane voice insisted.
“But you can’t keep living like this” the hope filled voice countered. “Just try it!”
The energy healer told me her name was Sinead. Her gentle voice had filled me with some sense of comfort. “She sounded normal” I thought as I drove, trying desperately to keep the fears and doubts at bay. “What do I have to lose? I’ve tried everything else.”
Driving down the winding country road, the sunlight peeked through the trees, a bit here, a dash there, hinting at the happiness and healing that was about to enter my life. Sinead’s home sat at the crest of a hill surrounded by woodlands with a short, steep driveway. An unassuming white ranch with red shutters and gardens that needed tending, lent little comfort to my jittery nerves. I walked up the steps and looked dubiously at the door. All my doubts and worries immediately assailed me. “What was I doing?” I thought, but the door opened too quickly for me to flee to my car. I was greeted by a beautiful, young woman with the most compassionate smile which filled her soft brown eyes. Suddenly my fears disappeared into thin air. Wearing a flowing white muslin dress, her long auburn hair shimmered in the sunlight. Thoughts of loving angels filled my head. “Angels really?” my rational voice commented as she rolled her eyes. As I crossed the threshold, my trepidations regained their footing, then stilled as her soft, soothing voice worked magic on my nerves. She guided me into her office, a renovated bedroom, filled with two comfortable couches, floor to ceiling bookshelves stuffed with well-ordered books, and two large bay windows. Sunlight filled the room giving it a warmth that sheltered us from the frosty January day. It was in this cocoon that Sinead began to change my life.
With her help I began the process of reassessing who I was, what I wanted for myself, and how I wanted to live my life. I found that both my belief system and my emotional system were in dire need of change. As I learned about these two powerful tools I was able to dramatically change how I lived my life and how I responded to the curves life threw at me.
Over the course of the first four healings I noticed a reduction in my pain and an increase in my energy. The underlying emotions of frustration and despair began to lift and finally, finally I began to sleep.
The healing journey I embarked on, with the help and guidance of this lovely healer, opened my eyes to a whole new world. Never before had I heard of “energy healing” nor had I ever experienced the magic and power of its capabilities. As I worked through the puzzle of my life, leaving behind activities and obligations that no longer fit me, discovering passions I didn’t realize were within me, I began to build a new life for myself. While my husband, my son and my home were central to this new life, they became the foundation from which I grew rather than the sole focus of my time. With these changes my pain disappeared. My journey began in January of 2001. After those first four healings, I have never experienced the pain or exhaustion of fibromyalgia since.
As I worked with Sinead I began to realize how much I loved our work together. I knew in my soul that the path of an energy healer was my destiny. To this day I will always honor the work I did with Sinead, her guidance, her patience and her healing work forged the life I have today.